Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize
