I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
