Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
