I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
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