Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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