It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
