i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
