Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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