i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
