Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
