I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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