yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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