My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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