she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i believe in u and ur pee
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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