bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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