I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
