dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize