I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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