Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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