why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
