The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
