I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
