Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I use my feet as sexual weapons
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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