my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
