i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
smell my finger.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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