guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
