I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
