She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
