I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
