Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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