my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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