How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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