Are we in a gay sports bar?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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