She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
there was a trapeze. enough said
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
