We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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