before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
