the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
