I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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