is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
