Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
