Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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