My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
