What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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