haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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