I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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