I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
