My underwear smells like fireworks.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
