And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
