And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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