I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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