If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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