I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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