I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
