Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
