is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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