My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
