'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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