The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
