That's intense
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
