YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
