I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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