Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
