margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize