She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
