Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
